2 Year Old Experience Take 2

It’s been 2 plus years ago since we honored and interned my father-in-love. To say the least, this has been a very different 2 years. I have been trying to live life knowing that dad, or pops as I called him, will never be a physical presence in my life or the life of my family again. Opportunities to call him when having to make major or critical decisions are no more. I’ll just have to remember the wisdon he did share with me and remember the principles he used in making critical decisions. Calling to check on mom still feels a bit strange, at times, in that I know dad will not be answering the phone. In the past, you could almost count on dad to answer most of the time when he was home. When talking to mom you can hear the lonliness in her voice.  The  quivering, the sniffling, the tentiveness it’s still there, although it’s starting to fade, which is a healthy thing.  Dad’s passing, is staring to set in for us all, which is also healthy.  We’ve moved beyond cognitive recognition of the fact that’s he’s gone.  We now live on the wind of his memory. We know now that he won’t be starting his car anytime soon.  Nor will he be tramping through the garage after checking around the apartments.  Interestingly enough though after 2 years I can still see him lying in the casket. Yes I said casket.  Having the body present during the funeral is common in the black family/church experience.  You don’t see many, if any, funeral services without the body lying in state.  Somehow being able to view the body after the eulogy gave things a sense of finality.  And not just for our immediate family.  Our distant relatives and friends desire that sense of finality as well.  The opportunity to say that last goodbye serves as an entrée to a healed future.  Back to what I was saying, after 2 years I can still see him lying in the casket and in a strange sort-of-way looking better in his death state than he did in his last living days because of the effects the cancer had on his body. However, even though outwardly he was perishing, inwardly he was strong. All during his sickness he continued to encourage us and others. It was really remarkable to watch him. We all knew that the six months the doctors gave him to live would come sooner than any of us wanted it to. But dad was prepared and did not, at least in our presence, let it bother him. Knowing that he had lived a good life he was ready, we just were not. If I could live the balance of my life the way he lived his last months I will have a great life. One thing don’t want to live with, but  will have to since I have no choice in the matter, is the fact that Andrea’s and my 4 year old grandson, Zion Prince Jalil Drake, will  have to grow up not knowing the man that has meant so much to me, his great grandfathe Hollie. This will be similar to our son’s Rigael and Terren who grew up not knowing my mother, Naomi Faye, who died at the young age of 39 as a heroine addict.  But that means I will have to love and nurture Zion in ways reminescent of Roy Dean Hollie, Sr and Naomi Faye Drake.  They both knew how to love others.

Two year old experience

Two years ago I had a new and different experience. I had just experienced death up close. My father-in-love passed away. You see, my mother passed away almost 29 years ago at the young age of 39. She was a heroine addict. My father passed away four years ago at the age of 74. Both of them passed away unexpectedly. In the case of my father-in-love I actually witnessed him dying as he battled liver cancer. He went from being a healthy and vibrant person, as recently as July 12th, to not being able to do anything for himself, as of August 5th. Then dad got to the point of not eating. He then had so much pain that he was heavily medicated. Then dad got to the point of having problems breathing. I have never witnessed this before. It seemed both odd and amazing at the same time. On July 12, 2004 dad was doing well. My oldest son, his wife and my 21 month old granson came to visit from Chicago. He was lucid, walking and doing things he liked. He had begun to use a cane to get around. By July 19^th, however, dad could hardly walk without assistance. That’s how quickly things changed. It may sound strange but I loved my father-in-love so much that I wanted to be present when he took his last breath. We were told, by his medical professionals, the Friday before his death, August 13th, that dad would not make it until Monday, August 16th. And they were right. He passed away at 5:15am on Monday, August 16, 2004. And as God would have it I woke up about 20 minutes before he died. My wife, our mom and I were there praying for him and reading scripture to him when he took his last breath. Now we must continue to live without his presence but not our memories of who he, Roy, was. The amazing thing about dad during his sickness is that he never complained, not even once. In fact, dad used his time and energy encouraging those who came to encourage him. He was a real champ! His faith in Christ made it easier for him to face the reality of death. He was ready. I only hope I will be prepared and secure in my relationship with God almighty when my time comes. Dad was not perfect, but he was a good man who loved his family. Like I stated at the beginning, this was a new experience. And while we are saddened by dad’s passing we will continue in the strength that almighty God provides in times like these. After 2 years I  can still see that blessed moment as though it happened yesterday.  What a powerful experience it was.  But what made it powerful for me is my belief in Jesus and the promise of life that never ends.  Knowing Jesus and living according to  his principles lessend the fear of death for me.  My belief in christ helped me (and it can help others too) to see death for what it really is; a portal to an eternity in the presence of all mighty God.  It doesn’t lessen the sense of loss I feel but it removes the sting that death can bring.  And when you live life in alignment with the principles of God there is no fear in death. 

A Duck’s view!

 

A drake is a male duck.   

This is the start of a new blog for me. I have been thinking quite a bit about stuff in life and feel from time to time like sharing some of my thoughts with others. This will be the forum through which I began this journey of disclosure. I will simply call this blog: Drake’sview. The name says it all. What you read will be how I view issues, stuff that effect my community, my family and my life. It will clearly be my perspective on the issues I (we) encounter in our community. I will comment on current and critcal issues and how they impact the urban community in general and Rainier Valley in particular and me specifically. The pieces I post may not be laced with profundity or may not be seminal in nature, or even that original. They may not even make sense to you from your vantage point, however, I guarantee that my blogs will be honest and hopefully will engender lots of meaningful and constructive conversation. I should warn you, however, while welcoming you to Drake’sview, you must enter at your own risk. If you want to continue to see things as they are or if you are super comfortable with the status quo then you may not want to check this blog out too often. What you encounter here could be unsettling and even considered dangerous to the commfortable. So consider yourself warned and welcome to Drake’sview. Some of the issues I hope to address are:This nations failure to move people out of poverty inspite of all the Money being spent. Why we will continue to be a nation of have and have nots. Why there are some who don’t want to see the problem of race solved in this nation. The shame of seeing so many black men die when they encounter white policeman and while white men don’t. Black on Black crime. The conspiracy (policies) to continue the miseducation of African American children.  The struggle to raise Black boys in our nation. How to have a successful marriage in an age when commitment seem nearly extinct.  My travels  and a few other odd topics.